


out of my mind

by romeojohannes



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Background Anderperry, Explicit Language, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Songfic, The Killers - Freeform, Unresolved Sexual Tension, repressing feelings lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 16:49:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19155070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romeojohannes/pseuds/romeojohannes
Summary: Based on the song "Out of My Mind" by The Killers.Charlie is the co-front-man of a rock band he started with Neil called Poetrusic. Taking a couple weeks off for the holidays, Charlie drives Meeks up to the cabin where all the boys are staying for the break. Along the way they catch up, flirt, and try and fail to ignore the obvious romantic/sexual tension that has surrounded them for years.





	out of my mind

**Author's Note:**

> Ever since I heard the Wonderful Wonderful album I had this Vision of Charlie as a rockstar and Meeks as his friend from highschool who he may or may not have totally hooked up with that one time.  
> At one point I had ambitions of making it a whole multi-chapter fic with each chapter based on a different song, about all the dead poets spending the holidays together at a private cabin. But uhh I'm probably not gonna do that now :/  
> So enjoy this one shot that very obviously seems like a part of a greater story arc that will never be written, I guess.

_Oh, we're falling..._

 

*

 

Somewhere through the forests of northern Vermont, Charlie’s BWM sped down a snow-covered highway going as fast as the weather and a poison-eyed Steven Meeks would allow. Inside the car, the two boys talked over the sound of nearly-silent jazz on the radio and freezing wind whipping past the windows.

“So anyway, for this next album we’re tryna collaborate with a bunch of different artists,” Charlie continued, “Old bands, new bands, solo acts. I’m personally pushing to bring in some more obscure, home-grown kinda bands.”

He shifted the wheel to the left and another flurry of snow flew into the windshield. Beside him, Meeks flipped the wipers on and leaned back in the passenger seat.

“I don’t suppose your producers are especially excited for that.”

“Nah, but you know it’s not all about money for me. I’d get to share the spotlight, launch a few careers.” He flashed a smile in Meeks’ direction. “I got all this fame and nothing to do with it.”

Steven shrugged as he watched the road, knowing Charlie had spent the last eight months riding a tour bus and hadn’t even touched a steering wheel since last year.

“You seem to keep yourself occupied.”

“Yeah,” Charlie sighed, “It’s been a crazy fuckin’ year man. In between tour stops we had award shows, and like, charity gigs, special events and shit. You saw us when we played with Springsteen, right? And then there was McCartney, and Green Day, and…”

Meeks rolled his eyes while Charlie name-dropped, not caring if the other boy saw.

“Well I’m glad you could sacrifice a couple weeks so your non-rock-god friends could spend the holidays with you in person.”

In the years after their graduation from Welton, Charlie became the co-front-man for a rock band he started with Neil. They called themselves Poetrusic. At first it was just a fun new way to horrify his parents, but by the time the other dead poets had finished their undergrads (except Todd, who ended up taking a couple gap years to cope with his mental health), Poetrusic was the hottest name in alt-rock.

Charlie stopped smiling and nodded his head, his tone soft and honest.

“No, yeah, I can’t believe how long it’s been. Almost a year? I’ve missed you so fucking much.” Charlie looked at Meeks, who smiled down at his lap. “All of you guys.” he added.

“We’ve missed you too.” There was a pause as the wipers moved back and forth in front of them. “Except Todd of course, who’s apparently become Neil’s groupie. It seemed like he was flying out to see him every other weekend.”

“Yeah, he basically lives on our bus. At least they have the decency to book their hotel rooms on the floor below me, so I don’t have to hear their loud, emotional sex. I’d rather not relive senior year.”

“God, please let them refrain from fucking while we’re all cramped into this tiny ass cabin.”

“You know, you should’ve flown out with Todd,” Charlie said, too quickly. “I mean, I totally would have paid for the flight and everything, and we could’ve driven-“

“Yeah well, thanks,” Steven cut off his enthusiastic rambling, “but, Master’s thesis and all that. I don’t think I would’ve been good company with my head shoved in my laptop the whole time.” he laughed.

“You’re always good company. Great company, even.”

Steven smiled wider.

“Next time.”

“I mean it. But uh,” Charlie smirked, “I dunno if I can afford an extra room, you might have to uh…bunk with me, if you know what I mean.” He threw Meeks a saucy wink that made him hide his blush in the collar of his big knitted turtleneck.

“I’ve missed you, Nuwanda. Really.”

Charlie smiled that old Charlie smile, not that rock-star-untouchable-millionaire smile. Under that wave of overly-styled hair, Charlie’s eyes looked sly and soft and seventeen. Meeks’ teenaged-grown-man heart got all squeezy and warm.

They’d been playing this game since Welton. Each of them flirting their hardest and trying to see how flustered they could make the other without ever actually admitting to any _feelings_. The sexual tension this created may have hit a breaking point in the past, and they may or may not have totally hooked up once last December, but it was a game of chicken seeing if either of them would ever actually acknowledge that.

It’s just that they had a mutual, unspoken understanding that it couldn’t ever work between them. Steven knew that Charlie spent most of his life who-knows-where, doing who-knows-what with who-knows-who. He barely had time for a few texts every now and then, let alone the jet-lagged phone calls and hours-long skype calls of a full-on long-distance relationship. And Charlie knew that Meeks could never adapt to being the front-man’s boyfriend; it would just be a distraction. Sure, Neil and Todd had made it work, but Meeks didn’t have the free schedule Todd had. He was too busy being a genius, he had goals and obligations and shit.

Still, whenever they were together again, neither of them gave up the game.

“Hey, can you check the map again? I feel like we should’ve turned by now.”

Steven pulled out his phone and opened the map. Out of the corner of his eye Charlie watched how the phone lit up his features in the dark.

“We didn’t miss a turn, but we’re close. Keep your eyes on the right, it’ll be hard to see in this blizzard.” He looked up and caught Charlie’s eye for a second, “Eyes on the road, Dalton!”

Charlie just smiled and flicked his eyes away from him.

“Am I making you nervous?”

Steven huffed, “When you haven’t driven a car in practically a year, we’re in the middle of a snowstorm in rural Vermont _at night,_ and you can’t seem to remember where we’re even going, yeah Charlie you got me breathing heavy over here.”

“I tend to have that effect on people.”

Meeks rolled his eyes into oblivion.

Charlie squinted at the windshield. “Is that it there?”

“Where?”

“There! Fuckin- on the right!”

“Shit, yeah- _slow down_ -“

“Don’t worry about i-“

“Holy-“

They took the turn way too fast for the icy road, but after an undignified screech from Meeks and his own miniature heart-attack, Charlie straightened out the car and slowed down.

“Are we dead?” Meeks gasped.

“Nope. We’re here.”

They pulled up to the charmingest little log cabin in the state: lit candles in the window and smoke coming from the chimney. The other boys had driven down the day before, but Charlie had a later flight and Meeks had to pick up an extra shift at the radio station.

“You are dangerous, Nuwanda.”

Charlie laughed, turning off the car so the overhead light blinked on.

“Don’t act like you don’t love a bad boy.” He undid his seat belt and twisted around to grab one of his bags from the back, his shoulder brushing Steven’s.

The other boy shook his head, undoing his own seatbelt, “I’m not one of your screaming teenage fans.”

Charlie sat back down in his seat, scrunched up his nose and made a high-pitched noise in a fake how-dare-you kind of way. Steven shrugged, leaning forward with one arm on the armrest between them.

“The God-of-Love-rock-star-vagabond persona just doesn’t do it for me.”

Charlie crossed his arms. “Well dammit Steven, am I ever gonna impress you?”

There was a pause as they held eye contact just a few seconds too long, and their joking half-grins faded. Meeks took a breath and his words came out in a rush of air.

 “You did last year.”

Charlie’s mouth fell open; out of the two of them he definitely didn’t expect _Steven_ to be the one to break their oath of silence first. He suddenly felt insecure. He leaned in slightly and kept his voice low.

“Did I?”

The heat had turned off when the car did, but it was suddenly way too hot in there.

“Honestly, Charlie,” Meeks licked his lips, staring at Charlie’s, “I can’t get you out of my mind.”

All Charlie had to do was let Steven’s eyes pull him in a little closer and then they were kissing. The boy’s lips were slow and gentle but much too hot and Charlie’s head started to spin.

Pulling back after a few moments, both of them had so many questions but each dared the other to speak first. What did this mean? Were they going to talk about it this time? Or would it be like last year, and this would just be one more unspoken thing between them. One more glancing smile, one more lingering goodbye-hug.

Meeks let his hand fall from Charlie’s neck, where he hadn’t noticed it had drifted.

Then Charlie laughs, as genuinely as he can.

“God, I hate when it gets serious, y’know?”

“Yeah. Right.” Meeks adjusted his glasses and turned away. “Could you open the trunk for me? I’ll get the suitcases.”

And with that Meeks was climbing out of the car, leaving Charlie feeling like a total asshole. Oh well. They had a whole week to figure things out, he supposed. A whole agonizing week. Of being squished together in a tiny cabin. Surrounded by their apparently unsuspecting friends. Great.


End file.
